Dear you

I remember the first time we talked. We were just a regular friends talked about crush. You were such a cheerful, passionate, funny, talkative, and sassy person. I didn't mind it because we're just friends. I found that you were a good listener. Our two way communications felt so pleased. We get used to each other. We communicated every day. Until one day i felt something different from you. You start to called me 'cantik' and sometimes you said 'love you' at the end of our conversation. At first i didn't take that seriously, but one day you grab my hand on our way to the place where we should gathered with our group to finished the tasks. It was something. My heart pounded. "What's that? For what? Are you interested in me?". It kept running in my head, but i tried to keep that inside. I was scared that it was just me, get over yourself, Kan!

I remember the day you told me that you love me. It was june 14th, 2011. But i didn't answer you that time, because i still not sure about my feelings. And you gave me time.

But our communication remains intertwined even after 3 months. Our relationship at that moment wasn't so smooth, because we rarely meet, and I was still not sure of my feelings. Sometimes i ignored your messages. But you never gave up. You tried to assured me that your feelings was true, that it was worth to try. That we don't have to know to each other too much to start a relationship, then what's the meaning of relationship if we already knew each other?

And that day came. The day you finally confessed to me. Said that it was real, that what he felt wasn't a joke, and for some reason i was glad, that what it wasn't just me. But then i felt hesitate whether i should try to go out with him or not. So, what do you think?

To be continue.

P.S : This song reminds me of you :)

What If?

What if?

I think this is the most difficult time during our time together. Our feeling going stronger everyday. By being stronger means the problem that occur is bigger than before. And without we notice it, we've already at the end of the cliff.

My ego keeps 'victim-ize' me. The feeling why you change so fast? What changed you? Is there someone else that makes you swayed? Whether my existence is so worthless for you?  Whether what we have maintained for this long has no meaning for you? You said that love is no longer in question, that you're already committed to yourself, to me. But what are you doing now? You said that what if we are not the best partner? You said we need time to think whether we're really need each other or no. And last you said that we're hopeless, without even try it. There's so much question I wanna ask, so much things I wanna talk to you. But I keep it inside. I know that we/re not on a right state to talk about this, but maybe someday.

It's hurt, Baby, it's hurt. It's hard to hold on, but even harder to let go. I still believe that we have something. That we really something. It's just a matter of time. By time means patience.

It's been a week since our last meeting and conversation about this thing. And I still can't get over it. It still running through my head, swallowing my logic, I'm barely eat, I'm barely sleep, I'm feeling insecure, anxious every time, jealous, you don't know that, Love. You still live your life like usual. This isn't fair for me. Why only me who felt this?

I thought I needed my friends, I need some advice, I need some words to calm me down. But whenever I finished telling them our story, I feel more sad, more worries, and I feel more lonely. I guess I just need you. So bad.

In silence, I try to think from your side. You said that you're really tired with your life there. No friends, no families, and no one there to comfort you. I just realized that you're weaker than me, that you really need me. You need someone to accompany you in this situation.

You have to know, my dear, that long distance relationship is hard. Not everyone given chance to felt it, so we are the chosen one. This is a learning, the situation we are in now will probably repeated one day either with me or with someone else. But if we can overcome this, then we're ready for our next journey. We still don't know the answer yet. Don't be discourage, remove all the negative thoughts. And please don't give up trying.

I guess this is the least I can do, I can do this much for you. I don't want to regret for not trying to keep this.

I hope you still feel the same.

XOXO

Still yours.

Meet Up Moeslema.com Exclusive Curator Batch II

Moeslema Exclusive Curator

Apa sih Moeslema? Buat yang belum tahu Moeslema itu apa, Moeslema.com adalah muslim lifestyle curation sites pertama yang ditujukan bagi para Moeslemates di seluruh dunia, terutama Indonesia. Dengan slogan #GrowTogether, kami ingin mengajak para Moeslemates untuk tumbuh dan berkembang bersama Moeslema.com dengan hal yang paling sederhana yaitu menulis dan juga membaca artikel yang bermanfaat. Sisanya bisa dibaca disini yah Moeslema.com hehe.

Honestly memang aku sendiripun baru tau waktu Moeslema buka registrasi untuk jadi Exclusive Curator Batch II November kemarin. Dan akupun gatau apa itu Exclusive Curator 😅

Dan aku coba cari tahu, Exclusive Curator atau Kurator Ekslusif singkatnya adalah penulis artikel. Artikel apa aja yang bakal dipublish di Moeslema.com nantinya. Setelah aku coba ikut dan terpilih, masuklah email undangan dari Moeslema untuk acara meet up Exclusive Curator Batch II di Mix & Dine Florist, Cikini hari Minggu tanggal 27 November kemarin.

Acaranya berlangsung kurang lebih selama 3 jam, disitu kita dikasih ilmu, arahan, dan penjelasan tentang Moeslema, cara menulis kurasi yang baik dan benar, juga pengenalan sesama anggota ekslusif kurator Moeslema batch 1 dan batch 2. Acaranya seru, dan makanannya enak haha. Alhamdulillahnya lagi gratis 😁

I'm so excited to do this! Karena banyak ketemu teman baru, experience baru dengan kegiatan yang belum pernah aku lakuin sebelumnya, juga ilmunya yang tidak ternilai. I hope i can enjoy this and be responsible, also spread an important and happy things! 😊

Seperti kata Neil Gaman,

" To be a good writer, read a lot and write everyday"

Regards,

Kania

Annyeonghaseyo!

Honestly, i have made this blog page since 2012 but i never start writing don't know why. So, today, November 7th 2016 i ended up here to start my blog life! Yay! Semoga apa yang aku tulis bisa bermanfaat untuk yang baca yah hehe. Happy writing for me and happy reading for you!

XOXO